you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
What a dumb baby whore.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize