Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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