I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
