If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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