i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm at about main and main street
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
