u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize