last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
