So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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