I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
