So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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