my phone needs a breathalizer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
