I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This baby is an asshole
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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