I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will be naked everywhere
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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