there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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