I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
