i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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