i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
