You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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