I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
