Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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