Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
