I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
