i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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