Where is the hickey?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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