I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
