after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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