If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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