If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
