if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
