i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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