do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
