I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
