So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
