Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
