Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
