i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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