chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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