apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
