maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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