I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
