It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
