You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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