i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
