it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
