I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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