This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
