he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
