It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
