Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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