we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
