Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
