I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
