How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I understand Curling. That high.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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