It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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