dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
