youre lurking in front of me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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