no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
