Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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