oh god the rape fog is back!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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