shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
