I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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