Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize