Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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