my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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