Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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