i would punch a child for taco bell
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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