Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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