This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
